So far none of the select celebrities whom I have gifted an ultra-personal Personal Philosophy have sent me so much as a dry-cleaning coupon, which I guess means that they’re not Internet-obsessed, self-Google-alerting, must-personally-respond-to-everything-associated-with-their-names kind of people, unlike, say, me.
But what about journalists? Will Laura Miller, writer about books for salon.com, notice without my personally telling her that she now can stop reading all those books and e-books and u-books and simply adopt the personal philosophy I have created for her? Will it be meaningful to her that this is what I’m choosing to spend time on while I wait in a Georgia hospital for my aged, ailing mother come back from having pictures taken from the esophagus of the back of her heart? (That part I’m not actually making up, and is causing a slight delay in the Schopenhauer episode posting.) Will she then listen to this fabulous podcast and get someone at salon.com to write us up, which will in turn attract the attention of an heiress who will then marry Wes and bathe The Partially Examined Life in wealth, enabling us to record our future episodes over the very tapes containing the original multi-track recordings for Led Zeppelin IV? Signs point to yes!
Laura Miller’s Personal Philosophy*
I believe that inside of every woman is a shining star. Seriously. If a woman were to open herself completely open, then out would come a shining star, several times as large as our earth, and burn all you bastards to ashes.
A woman is attractive not because of her looks or her personality but because she has a mass of around 2 X 1030kg, and her “hotness” is due to the thermonuclear fusion of hydrogen. However, inside every shining star is a woman, so that complicates things with the infinite recursion and whatnot, but those are the mysteries of divine creation!
*This personal philosophy should not in any way be taken to reflect the actual, current views or predilections of this person, though, given that it was crafted JUST for him or her, he or she should really feel obliged to adopt this philosophy out of politeness if not actual gratitude.