Continuing to shift my purview, I have constructed a personal philosophy (much like the one YOU want, but not as good) for the fine audiobook narrator Scott Brick. Having only heard him read me Dune and some other books, I have no idea what his actual personality is like, but anyone who can pronounce all those freaky Fremen names must undoubtedly deserve a philosophy as grand as this one.
Scott Brick's Personal Philosophy*
Call me old fashioned, but I believe that a man's place is in the wild, free from the oppression of technology and government and even language. There's nothing that makes me feel more centered than to leave my clothing behind and run off into the woods behind my house, kill a squirrel with my own two hands, and bite into it while the blood's still warm. Ah, life!
As modern men, we have no choice but to live fettered from day to day, choked in a studio reading yet another fucking Orson Scott Card thing. But I do what I can to make modern existence bearable. Little do they know as they listen to me in their state-of-the-art sport utility vehicles that my studio is only yards from the forest, and I'm still not wearing clothing, and the blood, dry and flaking now, is still red on my chin.
*This personal philosophy should not in any way be taken to reflect the actual, current views or predilections of this person, though, given that it was crafted JUST for him or her, he or she should really feel obliged to adopt this philosophy out of politeness if not actual gratitude.