Atlantic associate editor Jared Keller attracted our oracular, magnetic Personal Philosophy pen by asking someone who tweeted about this series for more information. Does this mean he’ll write a Pulitzer-winning article about us as the inevitable end point of the juxtaposition of high culture and the Internet? Only he knows for sure! (Well, Santa too.)
Jared Keller’s Personal Philosophy*
My life is a confusing muddle, but when I’m in my car, drivin’ fast, everything makes sense. Feeling the wind whipping through my hair from the open windows, I know what it is I really want and where I fit in. When the G-force pushes me back against my seat, I finally understand what would constitute a truly effective economic stimulus.
When the engine roars as it passes 100mph, I can visualize the entities described by modern physics and intuit non-Euclidean, 5-dimensional geometric figures. When the Doppler shriek from the ambulances I pass fights with the strains of AC/DC booming from my stereo, I attain Oneness with the Group Mind, feeling the patterns of each human soul and their inherent connectedness as they reach toward a single, ultimate destiny that I can see in all its detail.
But when I hit yet another mailbox and roll gently to a stop, it’s all gone.
*This personal philosophy should not in any way be taken to reflect the actual, current views or predilections of this person, though, given that it was crafted JUST for him or her, he or she should really feel obliged to adopt this philosophy out of politeness if not actual gratitude.