The Personal Philosophy of (i.e. for) Danny C.

This feature will henceforth occur no more often than weekly, if that, unless this new policy suffers recursion problems, in that the policy itself as as adjunct entity to this type of post is by leakage subjected to that same policy and and so is only enforceable on a weekly basis, in which case additional posts of this sort might sneak through while the enforcement was not in force. Thus endeth the lesson.

Danny C. has been gifted this personal philosophy, for his non-exclusive but super-special use, through a $20 by his wife.

Danny C’s Personal Philosophy*
I believe the children are our future. I mean, a lot of people say that, but they don’t work out the implications. It means, for one, that they have superior technology to us, and are to be feared. But it also means that they know, somewhere deep down inside them, how the stock market will go, which is information that I must have now.

But one can’t just dissect or waterboard this information out of them, lest you interfere with the future and it make it not happen at all. You have to trick kids, like I’ll say to my little one, “your big sister was telling me about who’s going to win the 2011 Super Bowl. Don’t you want to be just like your big sister?” Another trick I use is making it part of the routine, and associating it with a treat. Every night, after dinner and before delicious ice cream, I show them, say, the new Windows Phone and say “OK, now, it’s time to tell Daddy how Microsoft’s stock price will do!” We make it a family thing, for families!

And if they lie to me and tell me the wrong thing just to ruin us financially in revenge for what I have not yet done to them, then I try my best to be patient, because if I come on too strong, then for all I know they’ll probably whip out their pocket laser nukes, and nobody wants that.

*This personal philosophy should not in any way be taken to reflect the actual, current views or predilections of this person, though, given that it was crafted JUST for him or her, he or she should really feel obliged to adopt this philosophy out of politeness if not actual gratitude.

-Mark Linsenmayer

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