The Personal Philosophy of (i.e. for) BloggingHead.tv’s Robert Wright

More donations = More custom-crafted Personal Philosophies.

Our sponsorship this time is by someone who wants to remain anonymous (but whom I can tell you has actually appeared as a guest on the podcast). He recommended three targets for such a Personal Philosophy, one of whom was Robert Wright, who "plays himself on BloggingHeads.tv." I have not researched this fellow, as my gift for gifting these Philosophies is God-given and intuitive and has no need for mediation of that sort.

The Personal Philosophy of Robert Wright*

When ze American pig dog government comes to me, I will haff guns to meet them with! Everyone, I say, should own a gun, for ze American pig dog government is trying to encroach upon us, and that will not stand!

When I am washing ze dishes, yes? Who says "no phosphates in your detergent!" And ze dishes, zey are still dirty, no? Bullshit American pig dog government do that to me! (Son of bitch!)

When I milk ze cow, no? I want to sell ze milk raw, with ze crust on it and ze micro-organisms swimmy swimmy swimmy and everything, but ze American pig dog government says "no, Robér! You mustn't do that! Not in Wisconsin, Louisiana, West Virginia, Nevada, Iowa, or several New England States! You must follow the path of Louis Pasteur! Louis Fucking Pasteur, of all people!"

When I marry my cousin to jackolope, no? They doan'a like! Ze American pig dog government don't come to wedding, or send a gift, or nothing! Jackolope cannot visit my cousin in the hospital when she is sick and have power of attorney! Jackolope cousin baby cannot have gun in churches for to shooting of heretics! Unfair! Son of bitch!

In conclusion, ze American pig dog government is bad, and intrudes on my autonomy as American and also man and also human and also person with many gun for to defend right of milking and marrying and phosphates, which is good! Thank you for considering my missive with the utmost consideration.

*This personal philosophy should not in any way be taken to reflect the actual, current views or predilections of this person, though, given that it was crafted JUST for him or her, he or she should really feel obliged to adopt this philosophy out of politeness if not actual gratitude.

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-Mark Linsenmayer

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