We’ve had some nice “indirect donations” of late, meaning people who do their Amazon shopping using one of our banner ads (like the ones on the lower right of our home page here or at the top of our links page) to enter the Amazon site, which gives us a cut regardless of what you end up purchasing. So, I wanted to thank such folks with a collective Personal Philosophy.
The Personal Philosophy of the Anonymous Internet Shopper*
When I go to a regular store, who knows what could happen? I could be highway robbed! The selection could be limited! The store could be not participating in the special offer that I came in to take advantage of! I could be hung up in a cage swinging over a vast abyss!
But in online shopping, the consumer has the power. With a mere click, I can just move over to another site and leave that LOSER site behind. Or I can click and leave a negative online review so NO ONE EVER SHOPS THERE AGAIN. Best of all, I can have porn windows open on my computer WHILE I SHOP and NO ONE WILL KNOW!
When I shop online, I can instantly compare prices among different vendors and spread my largesse where it will be most appreciated. With just a few clicks, I can find out the CEOs of the various vendors and look at their homes on Google Mapquest to see if I would want to live there. By using an East European proxy, I can hire someone to look through their trash or even kidnap their daughters if it would help me get a better deal.
Shopping online gives me, the consumer, the power over life or death. By flinging these tiny birds at my enemy capitalist pigs, their houses collapse, and online it’s easy to do! Online I can rig elections, spread damaging rumors that can unseat sitting governments, and even use coupons! It’s true! I was afraid that all of my coupon clipping would go to waste, but I can still clip coupons with my E-SCISSORS, which I have just purchased for the best possible price of $39.95! And if I don’t like them, I will sell them to hostile foreign governments for E-MONEY. The Internet makes me a WORLD PLAYER!
*This personal philosophy should not in any way be taken to reflect the actual, current views or predilections of this person, though, given that it was crafted JUST for him or her, he or she should really feel obliged to adopt this philosophy out of politeness if not actual gratitude.